Guest post by Ronit Firdman, creator of “My Words of Healing” – Guided Journal for Women Undergoing Breast Cancer Treatments
As a mammography technologist for over a decade, I’ve had the privilege of supporting countless women during their breast cancer screenings. I’ve also witnessed those raw moments when someone senses something isn’t quite right, an abnormality on an image or a change they can’t ignore. Their faces often reflect disbelief, fear, and silent hope that it’s “nothing serious.” I have also come to understand that the emotional response to a breast cancer diagnosis aligns with the stages of grief.
The moment a diagnosis is confirmed, everything shifts. In an instant, the world feels unfamiliar, and emotions can become overwhelming. My observations of patients over the years led me to a certainty that those moments of a confirmed diagnosis closely resemble the five stages of grief—Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
It’s a deeply personal journey, but recognizing these stages can help provide clarity and reassurance that the emotional rollercoaster you experience is not only natural but also a part of the healing process. This post explores each stage, not to impose a fixed path, but to help you understand and embrace the emotions that accompany this life-altering news. By acknowledging these feelings, you create space for acceptance, strength, and hope to emerge.
Stage of Grief: Denial – “This Can’t Be Happening”
Denial is often the first reaction after hearing the words “you have breast cancer.” It’s the mind’s way of protecting us from an overwhelming reality. In those first moments, I’ve seen women freeze, their eyes searching for reassurance, almost as if they’re hoping they misheard. They may ask, “Are you sure?” or “Could this be a mistake?” The shock can make it hard to process anything beyond the immediate moment.
Denial is not only a reaction to the diagnosis itself but also to the fears it triggers—most notably, the fear of death and the uncertainty of what the future holds. Many women’s thoughts immediately jump to their loved ones: “What will happen to my children? Who will take care of my family? Will they be okay without me?” These fears can lead to overthinking and, at times, irrational thoughts, as the mind struggles to make sense of something so life-altering.
As I see it in my practice, denial isn’t about ignoring the truth but about needing time to let the reality sink in. It’s a temporary pause that gives women space to emotionally prepare for what comes next. During this stage, it’s important to be kind to yourself, take deep breaths, and lean on loved ones and trusted healthcare professionals for clarity and reassurance.
Stages of Grief: Anger – “Why Me?”
As the shock of the diagnosis begins to wear off, anger often rises to the surface. It’s a natural response to the overwhelming sense of unfairness that comes with hearing the words “you have breast cancer.” In my experience, anger can take many forms—frustration with the situation, resentment toward the body for “betraying” you, or even irritation at loved ones or medical providers who mean well but may not always say the right thing.
What I’ve observed most clearly is the tendency for anger to linger just beneath the surface. It’s not unusual for women to feel angry at themselves, replaying decisions or worrying they “should have caught it sooner.” Others may lash out or become irritable, struggling to find a productive outlet for their emotions. Left unaddressed, this anger can fester, creating unnecessary emotional weight during an already challenging time.
It’s important to remember that anger is not something to hide or feel guilty about—it’s a valid and necessary part of processing such a life-altering diagnosis. Suppressing it can make it harder to move forward. Instead, finding healthy ways to acknowledge and release that anger is essential.
One tool that I’ve seen make a significant difference is journaling. That’s why I created “My Words of Healing,” a guided journal specifically designed to help women process the emotional complexities of their breast cancer journey. Writing down your frustrations and feelings can provide a safe outlet for anger without fear of judgment. The prompts in the journal encourage you to explore these emotions, whether it’s venting openly on the page, identifying triggers, or reflecting on what your anger might be telling you.
Other ways to cope with anger include:
➢ Talking It Out: Share your feelings with trusted friends, a support group, or a therapist who can offer a listening ear without trying to “fix” things.
➢ Physical Release: Movement, such as a brisk walk, yoga, or even hitting a pillow, can help release the physical tension that anger creates.
➢ Creative Expression: Channel your emotions into something productive, like art, music, or writing—anything that allows you to externalize the energy of anger.
Addressing anger head-on is not a sign of weakness—it’s an act of strength. When you give yourself permission to express these emotions in healthy ways, you clear space for healing, clarity, and, ultimately, acceptance.
Stages of Grief: Bargaining – “What If…?”
Bargaining often sneaks in quietly, as a series of internal conversations or “what if” thoughts. For many women, this stage is filled with regret, guilt, or an attempt to find answers in a situation that feels uncontrollable. Over the years, I’ve seen women question themselves with thoughts like: “What if I had gone to the doctor sooner?” or “If only I had taken better care of myself, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”
This stage is driven by a deep desire to regain control, even when logic tells us it’s not possible to rewrite the past. The mind tries to make sense of the diagnosis by replaying decisions or making promises to “do better” in exchange for a different outcome. I’ve heard women say things like, “If I can get through this, I’ll make sure I appreciate life more,” or “I’ll never take my health for granted again.”
While it’s natural to look for answers or ways to make sense of the diagnosis, it’s important to recognize that no one is to blame. Cancer is not a result of personal failure. What I’ve noticed in patients who find peace during this stage is their ability to shift focus from “what if” to “what now.” By focusing on what is in their control moving forward -such as committing to their treatment plan, finding support, and practicing self-care, women often find clarity and a sense of purpose amid the uncertainty.
Stages of Grief: Depression – “This Feels Overwhelming”
Depression is often one of the most difficult stages to navigate, as the reality of the diagnosis fully sinks in. For many women, this is the moment when the emotional weight of the journey feels almost unbearable. I’ve seen patients withdraw into themselves, overwhelmed by sadness, fear, and exhaustion. It’s not uncommon to hear thoughts like, “I don’t have the strength for this,” or “What’s the point of fighting?”
In my experience, this stage often brings with it a sense of mourning. Women grieve for the life they had before the diagnosis, for their plans and dreams that now feel uncertain, and for the changes to their bodies and daily lives. It’s during this time that emotions can feel the heaviest, like a cloud that doesn’t seem to lift.
What I’ve come to understand is that this sadness is not a weakness; it’s a natural response to loss and change. Some days, patients need permission to simply feel without trying to fix or fight their emotions. I often encourage women to talk about their sadness, share it with trusted friends, therapists, or support groups, and to lean into practices that bring comfort—whether that’s journaling, prayer, or quiet time. Writing during this stage can provide tremendous relief, allowing women to give a name to their grief and begin to process it in a healthy way.
While depression can feel isolating, it’s important to remember that help and support are always available. Seeking connection and allowing yourself to experience this stage fully can help lighten the burden, even if it’s just one small step at a time.
Stages of Grief: Acceptance – “I Can Face This”
Acceptance is often misunderstood as being “okay” with the diagnosis, but in reality, it’s about reaching a place of peace and resolve. In my years of working with patients, I’ve seen this shift most clearly in their faces and voices. There’s a calmness that replaces the earlier anger and fear—a quiet determination that says, “This is my reality, and I’m ready to face it.”
Acceptance doesn’t mean the journey becomes easy or that there aren’t hard days ahead. Instead, it reflects an understanding of what’s happening and a willingness to take the next steps. I noticed that women at that stage begin to focus on what matters most- whether that’s their treatment, their relationships, or simply finding joy in the little moments. They start to embrace the “one day at a time” mindset, celebrating progress, however small, and finding gratitude in unexpected places.
Journaling during this stage can help women reflect on how far they’ve come and gain a new perspective on their strength and resilience. Many patients I’ve spoken to find comfort in writing about their victories, completing a treatment, reconnecting with loved ones, or discovering a new sense of purpose. Acceptance becomes a reminder that while breast cancer may be part of their story, it does not define who they are.
Healing Is Not Linear
The five stages of grief—Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance- are not a straight path. From my years of working at the Breast Centre, I’ve seen women move through these stages at their own pace, sometimes revisiting them as new challenges arise. One day may bring acceptance, and the next may bring anger or sadness again. This is normal. Healing is not about “moving on” but about honoring the emotions that come up and allowing yourself to process them in your own time.
Closing Thoughts
There is no “right way” to feel after a breast cancer diagnosis, and no perfect roadmap for navigating the emotions and stages of grief that follow. What I’ve learned through years of working with women is that acknowledging these feelings is a profound act of courage. By permitting yourself to grieve, you also give yourself the space to grow and to heal.
This journey is as unique as you are. You hold the pen, and you have the power to decide how to write your story- one of resilience, hope, and strength. Even in the face of uncertainty, you can shape your mental future, choosing how you respond, how you process, and how you move forward. Trust in yourself- you are stronger than you know.
About the Author
Ronit Firdman is a dedicated mammography technologist with over 14 years of experience supporting women through breast cancer screening and diagnosis. Witnessing the emotional and physical challenges her patients face, she was inspired to create My Words of Healing: A Guided Journal for Women Undergoing Breast Cancer Treatments. This journal empowers women to process their journey through writing, fostering strength, hope, and healing. Driven by compassion and a commitment to making a difference, Ronit continues to advocate for resources that uplift and support women navigating breast cancer.
