Guest post by Natalie Kwandrans
As someone living with metastatic breast cancer, there’s a faint sound always echoing in the back of my mind. It’s subtle, but it never disappears — not even during the most hopeful or joyful moments.
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Cancer alters your life the moment you hear the words. While some patients return to what resembles a “normal” routine, those of us with Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer face a deeper truth: our time may be shorter than we had imagined. The presence of the disease is like a quiet drumbeat, sometimes soft, sometimes deafening.
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What We Can Control
There are many things we can’t control about this diagnosis. But two aspects remain squarely within our power:
- Making informed treatment decisions
- Choosing how to spend the time we have
The first is often guided by our oncology team. The second — how we live each day — is where I’ve chosen to place my focus.
I think of this as my realistic bucket list — one aligned with the energy, limitations, and uncertainty that come with living with metastatic breast cancer. I want to be deliberate about how I spend my time. And I encourage others on this path to do the same: be unapologetically selfish about what really matters to you.
What Intentional Living Looks Like for Me
The items below aren’t just dreams. They’re priorities. Some are still in progress. Some may evolve. But all of them reflect how I’m choosing to make meaning during this time.
🌍 Travel and Exploration
- See the northern lights in one of Canada’s territories — with my kids and partner by my side
- Explore the raw beauty of Atlantic Canada, especially Newfoundland
- Take a helicopter ride over the Rockies
- Go whitewater rafting with my children
Arts, Culture, and Food
- Dine at one of my partner’s dream restaurants — a shared experience we’ve long imagined
- Attend my kids’ first concert
- Take them to a live musical — something joyful to remember
Recreation and Discovery
- Go snowboarding, skiing, and hiking with my loved ones
- Try paddle boarding or kayaking — water grounds me
- Learn to sing and play piano — not for anyone else, just because it brings me joy. In fact, I began online piano classes in January 2025, and online singing lessons in March 2025. I’ve made some of my practices public on my @LemonadeAndMemories YouTube channel so that family, friends, and now blog readers can see my (slow but steady) progress.
- Write and record a song — my voice, my story
Legacy and Love
- Teach my kids the importance of giving back to their communities
- Write personal journals for each child, filled with stories, advice, and love
- Create compassionate, age-appropriate “Mommy has cancer” animated comics to help families facing similar conversations
- Volunteer for healthcare-related causes that can drive real change
What It Means to Be “Selfish” — And Why That’s Okay
When I talk about being selfish, I don’t mean ignoring others’ needs. I mean putting what truly matters at the center of my life. That’s not something we’re often encouraged to do — especially women, especially mothers. But facing metastatic breast cancer has clarified what deserves my energy, my attention, and my heart.
This is my time, and I’m going to use it with intention.
Living with Metastatic Breast Cancer: Finding Meaning in the Now
There’s no sugarcoating the reality of living with metastatic breast cancer. The diagnosis brings grief, anger, exhaustion, and fear. But it also brings moments of raw beauty, deep connection, and astonishing clarity.
Even as the clock ticks, I remind myself:
✨ These are the moments that matter.
✨ These are the choices that define my life.
✨ This is what intentional living looks like — when every day counts.
If you, too, are facing a Stage 4 breast cancer diagnosis, I hope this encourages you to listen closely to your own heart. Let it guide you. Let it remind you that your story still belongs to you — and that you are still writing it.
About the Author: Natalie Kwandrans
Natalie Kwadrans holds an MBA and a BSc, and competed internationally as a snowboard racer for Team Canada. She later built a successful career in business strategy, earned multiple professional designations (CPA, CMA, PMP), and taught at three Canadian universities. Halfway through her second Master’s degree at HEC Paris, Natalie was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Palliative treatments forced her to leave her career and studies behind — but she continues to lead with courage, creativity, and compassion as she redefines her purpose.
Read Natalie’s other AskEllyn.ai blogs:
Photo of Natalie Kwadrans in front of her piano.
